What is demanded
of man is not…to endure the meaningless of life, but rather to bear his
incapacity to grasp its unconditional meaningfulness in rational terms.”
-
Viktor E. Frankl
I left
Haiti abruptly last month for personal reasons; although everything is fine,
thankfully, after having a need to step away, I’ve been grateful for the
opportunity to gain some perspective again.
Haiti, for me, has been the highest of highs and the lowest of
lows…somewhere that I’ve found truth and beauty that I haven’t know in years,
but also somewhere where—my idealism and eternal hope notwithstanding—the
realities of a life and culture I am only beginning to understand sometimes
brought me to my knees….
Every time
one of my friends from work or the villa sends me a message asking how I am and
when I’m coming back and saying that they miss me, my heart breaks a little
bit…I love living in Haiti for so many reasons, and every day I have moments
where I want to go back. I miss the many
wonderful friends I made there from all over the world. I miss mass at St. Philomena in the morning,
with the sun slowly climbing the chapel wall and Father Rick’s gorgeous
baritone reverberating throughout the space.
I miss my nurses in the NICU, and their affection; I know for a lot of
Americans who are used to boundaries and personal space, the hand-holding,
hugging, and kissing that’s the norm in Haiti is, as best, surprising, and at
worst, cringe-worthy, but I adored it…. I
miss the sweet kids at FWAL and the crazy hairdos they gave me. I miss saying something and realizing that
I’ve just inadvertently mixed four (Kreyol, French, English, Italian)
languages. I miss the excitement, and
the passion, and the inspiration that I felt when I first got to Haiti. I miss the mangos.
That being
said, I am not sad to have left Haiti because I know it’s not a goodbye, just
a, “See you later,”…. Haiti is a part of
my heart, and the things that I saw and felt and experienced there could fill a
lifetime, one that I wish everybody could have the privilege to
experience. It’s hard to articulate in
writing without using platitudes, and I know whatever I say will be inadequate
to describe this incredible place. My
only hope is that the time that I spent there, and what I’ve been able to share
about it, has shined a little light on this small part of the earth and the
work that’s being done there, and maybe lit a small flame of compassion in the
hearts of some others.
To hear
some of the beautiful music that we often sang at mass, please visit: https://stlukehaiti.bandcamp.com/
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