"You must not neglect doing a thing immediately good
from fear of remote evil; -from fear of its being abused.”
- Samuel Johnson
- Samuel Johnson
How do you
keep giving when you sometimes feel like people are taking from you?
This is a
question that I have struggled with after spending time living in Haiti. Here, it’s not uncommon for someone to spontaneously
ask for a “kado,” or gift—I have had friends and coworkers admire a belonging
of mine, and then ask if I would give it to them as a “kado.” A child on the beach asked me for my bottle
of water. A young woman at Titanyen
asked me to give her the shoes off my feet.
When you’re not used to this, it can be disconcerting at first—I always
found myself thinking, “I have so much; surely I can afford to give this
away.” But then I would wonder if that
was really the best response. At the
time, I needed some of those things—water, shoes—as much as the person who was
asking; why did these people feel entitled to ask for my belongings, and why did
I feel guilty for saying no? And did all
of these people really need the
things they were asking me for...or were they simply taking because I let them? How do you discern necessity from
manipulation?
What I have
come to realize over time is that in Haiti, many people experience a level of
need that I don’t, and will not ever, fully understand. I don’t know what it’s like to grow up in a
country where life is difficult and chaotic; I don’t know what it’s like to
never have enough and to constantly worry about where I will get more. I can only imagine the anxiety and insecurity
that this would instill in me, and the void I might always be struggling to
fill.
When you worry
you’re being taken advantage of, it’s easy to become fearful and bitter; the
natural instinct is to shut down or close off to avoid being exploited or
hurt. To me, the challenge is always to
attempt to understand the motivations behind others’ actions, and to recognize
the histories behind the individuals. In
doing so, it’s surprising how often fear seems to transform into compassion,
and bitterness into empathy. Yes, there
will always be people that are dishonest and insincere. There will also always be people who are
grateful and appreciative, and who are generous in kind. In the face of disappointment in the behavior
of others, I have been asked, “Why do you keep expecting things to be
different?” But I have to ask…how can we
not? To feel that you have so much that
it’s easy to give is, in itself, a gift.
